New mercies

I remember telling God the other day that I’ve got so much on my plate recently. So much to do, so many expectations to meet, so many people to care for and so many tasks shouting for my attention. I told God that I couldn’t do this on my own. I felt so drained, like every ounce of my energy’s been sucked out of my system.

As I quietened myself before the Lord, I heard Him reminding me again that, I don’t live on expired grace. His mercies are new every morning. Each and everyday, He will fill me again, with enough strength to face the day, enough forgiveness to spare, enough love to love. I don’t want to be tired, but inspired. The Holy Spirit helps a great deal.

I want to live each day renewed and strengthened daily. Not because of my past experiences, my past knowledge or even past successes. I want to rely solely on Him. Never would I say, I can’t do this, I can’t do that, because I can, by His grace. I shall do great things, for His glory. I will live victoriously because my God enables me. “I know I can” is not based on my own capabilities, but rather the knowing of who my Heavenly Father is. And He understands, He always does.

Humbled, I made a silent promise to God and to myself, ‘I won’t make “CANNOT” my anthem’, I will learn to trust Him more. I will learn to rely on Him.

My confidence

Ever had one of those times when you can’t put your finger on what it is but you just want to sit on the floor and cry? Today is one of them.

Things are going a lil tough but as I was brooding over the matter, I realized that what I needed was just a paradigm shift. To have a right perspective and not to dwell on negativity. Trust me that I am no saint and it was hard. However, I really needed to realign my thoughts to not what I experienced, see or feel, but what His words say about me and His unfailing character, promises and love. I believe that the I AM always has the greatest planned out for me. And it is during times like this that there is a choice. Either to pick myself up and continue trusting or just simply giving up.

God is truly teaching me to know Him better. When do I know whether I know Him? Can I still trust even though I do not see, hear, feel or understand? And when God seems silent, can I still feel secure and confident? When prayers are not answered according to my desires, yet still trusting and is assured?

The truth is that God is good and His mercies endures forever. He cannot deny Himself. He can’t be unfaithful. He can’t not bless me. He can’t be unjust. He can’t stop loving me. He cannot go against His word. Well, He just can’t. And confidence comes from knowing who He really is. Confidence in God is when there is no answer, yet I have the hope that He will make a way!

Despite what the world throws at me or say about me, I look up to THE ONE above and am assured that my future is in His loving hands. This is my confidence.

A timely reminder

God just reminded me today that,

There would be no TESTIMONY without TESTING.

Every time a testing comes, just smile and say that the testimony is on it’s way!

Blessings and cheers~

Arms that holds the universe- 33Miiles

Arms that holds the universe- 33Miiles

An inspiring song.

Be blessed.

Look up

Life can be slightly complicated especially when you find yourself stuck. You despair and you don’t know what to do. You find yourself in this maze running and running without a way out, and then after some time you become tired. You fall deeper and deeper into this abyss. Lower and lower. You see nothing, no way out.

Ever been to your lowest and thought that you just can’t go on anymore? Like, everything feels wrong. I had that moment a few days ago. I was stuck. I was tired. Really tired. With finals coming up and suddenly all the failures from before haunted me again. Expectations, disappointments, desires, wants and dreams.

I looked out of the window and it was raining heavily. A sudden feeling of sadness overwhelmed me. Things didn’t look so hopeful at that moment. I was afraid. I stared at the rain for a moment and back at my Brain and Behaviour notes. My roommate wasn’t around so my Windows Media Player was blasting God is able, by Hillsong.

As the melody played, I began to sing along. I sang…

*God is able

He is on my side

He will make a way.*

I love the bridge

*God is with us
He will go before
He will never leave us
He will never leave us
God is for us
He has open arms
He will never fail us
He will never fail us*

As I continued singing, God reminded me again to look up. He is always there. Why should I fear? I’m fighting a winning battle. His mercy remains. Should I stumble and fall, I’ll be caught by His grace.. My God is able..

When I looked up again, the rain has stopped, I smiled when I saw a rainbow, God you are always faithful. You will never fail me. It was as if God saying, when in despair, look up. I am always there.

Are you stuck today? Tired? Look up!

To finish strong

11 years today.

I am overwhelmed with gratitude and praise as I reflected and look upon the past.

They always say not to think of the past, but to focus on the present moment. I think I’ll have to disagree. All of us today are products of our past. We should reflect on the past to help us make better decisions and choices for the present.

For the past year, it was a year of much faith decisions. It was those moments that everything you hold dear to fail, and you need to make a choice. A or B, B or C. It was fraught with uncertainties.

Some of my friends used to say,” I cannot imagine going through what you went through,”  or “it must be really tough right”. And some would say ” Haven’t you thought of giving up?”  ” Is it really all that worth it? ” Well, all I can say is, it is truly by God’s grace that I am here today. What you see in me, is because God chose to believe in me, and He had started a good work in me, and I believe that he will bring it to completion.

Things are not usually easy, there are some days which are more depressing than the rest, days when you wake up feeling moody and cranky, but I’ve learnt to praise Him instead. When praises go up, you can’t really stay depressed because God is just so so good.

I’ve failed so many times before in obeying Him, but He remains faithful. He is my Abba Father and He does not judge me. There are challenges in areas of trust, but as God enfolds His plans and purposes, every step gets simpler. Maybe what God wants at times is just ultimate obedience and faith.

This journey, I do not walk alone. God has blessed me with good friends, people who will support me all the way, no matter what I do, they will still be there to encourage me. My parents, my sister, my friends from Acts, my uni mates. I am such a blessed girl.

This year, what I really want is to finish strong. Challenges will come my way, sometimes my world may crumble and fall, but I know I can trust on my Rock of Salvation, He will never fail me. He is able. God is for me, and therefore, I want to be bold and VERY courageous. I will press on to the heavenly goal that Christ set for me. I will run and finish the race.

Goal( Nov 2011 and beyond) : to finish strong. Help me, Lord.

that all things work together for good…

So He asked me if I didn’t get through that paper, would I still serve Him. Tough one, God. Though rather afraid, I answered, “Yes, Lord. I would. “

“Trust me”

“I’m scared, God.”

” I hold your future.”

So, that’s that. He was there, during the examination hall. Sweat trickled down my forehead though the exam hall was literally like a refrigerator. As I wrote, I was filled with perfect peace. Though there were instances which I had to stop as my head was spinning, but I knew in my heart that His presence was there.  I walked out of the examination hall, feeling as if I did not write enough.

I think my greatest fear had always been letting down people I love. And my testing had always been in this area. It’s somewhat difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel at times.. but God’s promises always remind me again..

James 1:2-4

New King James Version (NKJV)

² My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. ⁴ But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

Tough as it may seem, but I do know that my help comes from the Lord. Things may seem rather unclear at the moment, but in due time I will be who God wants me to be.  So, yes. Thank you for helping me pass, Lord. I know that you will not leave me in the valleys. I also know that despite everything that happens, and whatever people around me can throw at me, I can still find comfort in Your presence.

Romans 8:28

New King James Version (NKJV)

²⁸ And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.

May Your purpose be revealed in my life. Yes, I will still serve you.

 

Self-esteem

I was just pondering on how much leaving home had helped me grow. Before I left home, I used to be really scared, and when I say that, I mean that I was afraid of almost everything.

Fear

Uncertainty

Doubt.

I think the deadliest disease in this world is self-doubt. It cripples your life, ruins your destiny and destroys your dreams. And what’s worst is that you never hope anymore. Everything seems somewhat despairing and everything’s depressing.

2009:  I had no self-respect for myself and obviously no self worth. It is horrible because I felt so much hatred towards myself  and I was unable to stop the feelings from coming.  I had this happy mask plastered on my face, everytime someone sees me, they would admire the smile I had, but no one really knew how terrible I felt inside. I hid behind this facade, for as long as I showed that I was okay on the outside, people just walk away, thinking that you are okay.

2010: After attending church for about a year, I’ve listened from the pulpit so often and soon realized that God valued me, and made me perfectly. Hence, I am complete and am always acceptable in His eyes. It was difficult accepting that fact, as I had so much self-hatred that I had the idea imprinted in my mind long enough that it caused me much difficulty in accepting that. It was a painful process readjusting my thoughts and learning how to see myself in a positive light. Relationships around me were difficult to form, only because I didn’t trust anybody and was difficult to believe that someone would genuinely love me for what I see myself is only a broken spirit. It was really scary because I had no confidence that anything would turn out right at all. It took much courage and help from the Lord to truly break free from the spiral of negativity and to trust that He indeed has my whole future crafted. Things got slightly better, but deep inside my heart, my self-worth was still so tiny, in fact smaller than a little seed, that anything at all would crush this fragile spirit.

2011: After much prayer, journaling and reasoning out my thoughts, and of course with the help of  my Book of Encouragement, I was finally able to smile genuinely, speak more confidently, and that itself did not come easy. Pastor preached recently regarding Psalm 19:14

Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in your sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer.

I memorized the verse by heart and whenever I feel lousy about myself, I recited it over and over again. I did not fully believe in the verse initially, but as time goes by, I began to see change, sometimes I may forget but the Holy Spirit reminds me often, and helps me to take captive of every negative word. It’s been around 4 months now..  and PTL that my self-esteem has returned. There would still be days of darkness and desperation, but somehow, I am able to learn to view things in a more positive light.

This is a lesson of self-esteem. It can either make you or break you. I have overcome and am so thankful that He did not let me go. I wasted almost a decade in low self-esteem. I know it’s a horrible place to be, and it hurts The Father’s heart.  But I’ll have many more decades to come living in victory, only by His mercy.  I will not let this disease of self-doubt ever rule my life again. Here’s to a happier me, and a stronger me.

Don’t be so rigid

When I was a kid, my mum used to joke and say,

“Be more flexible”

“Make your life more interesting”

“Changes are inevitable”

I guess I never understood what it meant or how to go about being more “flexible”? It’s alien, really.

My personality is more dominant to Type A, and I was very resistant to change.

Anyway, I just came back from missions last month. Despite learning so much from the entire hike, God clearly wanted me to learn something else. I had to alter plans, come up with spontaneous ideas and basically, just flow with God.  I admit that it was hard, really tough.

This season, I guess God is trying to just simply tell me, Let me be God. Just flow with me.

This is what I need to learn. Don’t be so rigid!

New Encounter

I went for a life-transforming camp last week.  I can still feel the excitement right up to this very moment.  So I went for camp with a million worries as much was to be done before and after camp.   Camp was only fun, as God showed up.

The first night was somewhat significant.  I felt the presence of God so strongly that I truly knew that He was there.  I felt so spoilt by the Lord, I felt like a baby in the master’s arms, reassured and strengthened.  The prophesy by pastor was reaffirming.  I’m truly glad my God is a God of mercy and grace and He knows where I’m at.  He also knows how much I can handle.  He never gives me more than I can bear.

The Prophesy

• You have a heart that wants to please God, but you think your best is still not good enough.  God said, trust in me, my daughter, I am pleased with you.
• There is a sense of brokenness deep within your heart.  People around you may not understand, but God does, and He wants to heal and give you strength.  You have a beautiful spirit.
• You have a sense of discouragement that you think no one sees.  You are tired, but God’s got your back.  He will reveal things to you and grant wholeness to you, Remain in Him.  Be encouraged in God.  He understands.

I am thankful for God and His word.  Truly wouldn’t trade my Daddy God for anything in this world.  He is a God who understands, sympathizes with my weakness and encourages me to persevere.  Thank you Lord.